Wednesday Morning Tube Rant: Worst. Journey. Ever.

8:05 a.m. - head out the door.

8:10 a.m. - arrive at bus stop.  Bus I need is scheduled to arrive in 8 minutes.  I debate taking the tube and decide against it.

8:28 a.m. - my bus finally arrives.  I get on.  It's packed.  I feel an instant surge of regret as soon as I take my place under a man's armpit and in direct line of the stairwell.

8:32 a.m. - I get off the bus on a whim at the next stop and decide to take the tube, only to see another bus right behind it that is empty but pulls away just as I run up to it.  Wonderful.

8:40 a.m. - I arrive on the tube platform for the train to Elephant and Castle and just miss an empty train where there are multiple seats available.

8:42 a.m. - The next train is packed beyond belief, so I skip it.

8:44 a.m. - I have no choice but take this train even though it's full because I'm now running late and will need to change at the dreaded Oxford Circus for the *shudder* Central Line.

8:52 a.m. - After being squashed several times by giant men who belong in Avatar rather than on public transport, I stumble onto the platform at Oxford Circus and am confronted by a big girl who bounces me off her ample bosom in effort to get past me.

8:55 a.m. - I manage to fold myself into the intricately orgami-like arrangement of people on the Central Line train to my destination.  The blonde next to me with a vintage leather bag and Hermes scarf sizes me up with a look that brings me back to the second grade playground.

9:02 a.m. - I get off at my stop and queue to get up to the actual escalator bit of the station.

9:04 a.m. - I finally reach the escalators but some Tweedle Dums and Tweedle Dees can't decide whether they want the right side (to stand) or left side (to walk up) of the escalator and instead, have the brilliant idea of stopping right in front of it.

9:10 a.m. - slightly over an hour later, I'm seated at my desk and vowing to never, ever take the Central Line again and counting down the days until we move.

Maida Vale, I love you, but your quaint little Northwest corner is inadvertently giving me high blood pressure on the weekdays.