Kate Spade New York and GapKids Collaborate. I Want It All.

Yes, I was one of those women, furtively combing through the racks at GapKids a few years ago when the DvF collaboration happened, holding up a smock-like dress to my chest and ask-whispering* my friend the question, "Do you think I could wear this as a tunic?" (*Ask-whispering is what you do when you're too embarrassed to let those within earshot hear you. It happens at frozen yogurt stores when you've accidentally let too much out of the machine and have to ask-whisper your companion for help).

I woke up this morning to an email in my inbox chirpily announcing the arrival of the Kate Spade/Jack Spade/GapKids collaboration and scrolled in disbelief at all the adorable items that were just slightly too small for me. WHAT. THE. HECK.

I've been a fan of the chic, Upper East Side-aesthetic Kate Spade brand since my friend loaned me her trendy, polka-dotted Kate Spade baguette bag in college. Today, I find the preppy, brightly-colored line a little too overwhelming en masse, but throw a few select pieces into my everyday look? Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner. In particular, I love the 50s-inspired party dresses with a fit-and-flare silhouette, plus the jewelery line - especially their watches (I wear the Gramercy watch in rose gold on a daily basis).

To torture myself further, I'm going to show you the items that I would wear, if I could (and maybe even one or two that I could squeeze into, if I tried really, really hard, and wore lots and lots of Spanx).

First of all, they need to make this dress in my size:

I'm sorry. Yes, I'm a grown woman, but yes, I could still make it work. I'd pair it with a statement necklace from J. Crew (similar to this one) and patent, pointed-toe flats (similar to these) to keep it from looking like I just left circle-time in pre-school (what Brits call "reception", I believe).

Also, this sweater has built in arm-candy:

YOU WOULD NOT NEED TO ACCESSORIZE. IT'S ALREADY DONE FOR YOU. PRESTO. Again, to keep myself from looking childish, I'd pair this with a pair of cropped, cigarette-style trousers or dark, distressed skinny jeans. And heels, of course.

Then there's this shirt:

 

Layered under a sweater, it allows just the right amount of "fun" to peek out (plus, I'm pleased to see it comes in sizes XL and XXL, which I could hopefully squeeze into).

Let's move on to the accessories.

Gap calls this a "pencil case". I call it a clutch (also, what kid needs a leather pencil case? It's all PVC for my future unborn child. Sorry, future unborn child.).

Instead of "playing hooky" from school (which certainly should not be encouraged - cough, cough), I would like to play hooky from work, or life in general.

Of course, there's this fun slogan tote (which I could potentially wear and pretend it's an existential question, rather than a literal whine. Like, "Are we [collective "we"] there [like, that "place" in life] yet?") that I'd take around with me on the weekend.

So, if you see a woman rummaging in the racks of Gap Kids Covent Garden, please say "hi" (or whisper "hi"). That'll be me.