Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Are You Addicted to Being Busy?



The other night, before falling asleep, I struggled to breathe. It wasn't that I couldn't breathe, it was just that feeling of my breath catching in my throat and the sensation of not getting enough air in. Essentially, I was hyperventilating. I'd been thinking about how to deal with a tricky situation at work as well as the after-work events I had lined up that week and, well, I couldn't breathe.

After reading my friend Robin's piece the other day about the necessity of "being easy on yourself" and this article in The Debrief about our addiction to being busy, I asked myself, "Am I addicted to being busy?" And if so, what's my motivation? Is it the pressure to be productive, as Robin writes about, or is it secretly down to some kind of social competition, as the Debrief article suggests?

By the time I was 15, I was juggling back-to-back ballet company classes after school, two to three  hours of piano practice and lessons (sometimes up to four, if I was practicing for a competition), violin lessons, and youth symphony rehearsals on Saturday mornings. Not to mention, a high school schedule packed full with Advanced Placement courses that I'd hope would impress college recruiters.

Busy was my life. Busy was what I knew.

Of course I had panic attacks. Of course I had nights where I felt like I couldn't breathe when I looked at my calculus homework after an exhausting Nutcracker rehearsal. But I got through it. I don't know quite how I did it, but I did.

My addiction to extra-curricular activities carried through to college and eventually ... my adult life. Managing a department at work, pitching content to magazines, writing for my own blog, rehearsing and performing with a symphony orchestra, trying to fit in the odd yoga class here and there, all while trying to juggle some semblance of a social life has left me literally gasping for breath sometimes.

And then I married someone who was as addicted to a busy lifestyle as I was. John is what I would describe as a "go-getter". After covering five different cities in the U.S. within five days for work recently, you'd think that he'd take a break and just sleep in on Saturday. Instead, he leapt out of bed around 7:00 a.m., pointed his phone at the speakers to sync the music in all the rooms (a feat he's particularly proud of) and said brightly to me, "The Heal's delivery is arriving in 20 minutes! I'm going downstairs to clear the room and get ready. And then we can watch an episode of Gotham together? And then we can make breakfast? And I can construct the sofa? I wonder how many parts it comes in! I bet it'll be easy. Do you want a cup of tea?" I think I responded by putting a pillow over my head while he bounded down the stairs with relentless energy.

After taking a new yoga class recently, the teacher complimented me afterwards saying, "You have such a lovely, slow and controlled practice." While I took this undeserving praise with a ducked head, I thought to myself, 'I have to. This is the only place where I can slow down and catch my breath.'

Contrary to the Debrief article, I don't think I keep busy for the sake of being able to brag about my busy schedule ... instead, I think I keep busy because I genuinely have a variety of different interests and, well, because it's what I'm used to. And because I feel guilty if I'm not being productive.

What about you? Is your calendar booked out until the end of the year? Do you often find yourself over-committed? I'm curious to know!
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25 comments

  1. There is a certain adrenaline rush to being busy all the all the time, but I agree there gets to point where you burn out. Sometimes I need one of those weekends where I have nothing planned...and then I get bored and end up doing lots anyway!
    Lots of love,
    Angie


    SilverSpoon London

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    1. Haha, same, Angie! What's Mr. Silver like? Does he like to stay busy like you, or does he prefer to switch off when it's time to do exactly that? John drives me crazy with his "LET's GO GET 'EM!" attitude! Admirable, but exhausting!

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  2. I wonder if there's a cortisone type endorphin rush when we're so busy (these are probably the wrong words 😉)

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    1. Not for me, Emma ... just more like ... dread. Which is why I don't understand why I keep doing it!

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    2. there can definitely be a rush of adrenaline (or cortisol/epinephrine/other stress hormones) which accompanies busy activities and which feels good and relieves the stress, but may also cause more stress (or dread, as jaime calls it). it is sortof like a drug in our modern world... but also makes a weekend getaway way more fulfilling!

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    3. Thank you for the scientific explanation, Dr. Iyengar! I didn't think that adrenaline actually existed ... but clearly it does because maybe, deep down, that's what's been fueling my addiction! Thanks for looking out for me :) xpxop

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  3. I wonder if there's a cortisone type endorphin rush when we're so busy (these are probably the wrong words 😉)

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  4. I only like to be busy if something comes out of it and I know I can do it. I am the exact opposite of you. I love to be lazy, maybe a little too lazy. I have no plans for the weekend at all and it's my birthday weekend (and I am totally okay with that!). Rest is good for you!

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    1. Same! I work 10-12 hours most days (oh America!), and so I really try to protect my downtime and allow myself to switch off. My ideal weekend is tidying up around the house, reading a book, cooking and baking and simply pottering around. I think it also has to do with the fact that at heart I am pretty introverted. My husband, on the other hand, gets major cabin fever if he is cooped up too long and has to get out in the world!

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    2. Haha, I doubt you are lazy, Tiffany! It sounds like you have a good, healthy balance. Also: have a great birthday weekend!

      KC - those work days sound killer! I love the notion of "protecting" your downtime. That's a great way to put it. Your ideal weekend sounds like my dream weekend too - I'm going to work on having more of those as my weekdays get busier ... :)

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  5. I love being busy! But I think the need to be busy seems to have got bigger over the years, I just can't sit still. Even when I'm in the flat for the weekend I'll be typing away or baking in the kitchen. I think living in London does have an effect and the blog even more so, there's always something to do and write about! Social media can also add to the effect as you know when everyone is out and about doing stuff. Whilst I try to resist it I'm definitely a victim of FOMO!

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    1. You're right, Laura - living in London DOES have an effect on our urge to constantly be busy. I'd also be lying if I didn't admit to some level of FOMO. Social media is the worst for this ... but that's for a whole other blog post!

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  6. I'm so with you on this. I'm constantly trying to do too much but I just get bored if I'm not doing anything. At uni I studied, rowed (which takes up so much time) had a job, a boyfriend and to keep up with socialising. My boyfriend likes to joke I'm like a dog... he has to take me out somewhere interesting each day or I just drive him crazy whining about going out. haha x

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    1. Glad you can relate, Hannah! OMG, rowing is SO time consuming (I know because I had a lot of friends on the crew team in college and had tried out myself!). But I think it's great that you're so motivated all the time, though.

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  7. Like you, I definitely had a busy activity schedule growing up, which was exciting and fulfilling. More recently, though, I like to spend a whole lot of time doing nothing (inspired by K) and it is just glorious! I rarely get bored doing nothing, which is slightly dangerous, lol! This may change, however, when I move to a bustling and exciting city! can't wait :)

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    1. Sounds like you and K have a great balance going on! And I know for a fact that you are the queen of multi-tasking, multi-activities, and multi-socializing! As you know, my dream is to lie in bed and read gossip magazines with you ... all day.

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  8. I'm exaaactly the same, I've been busy for as long as I can remember and I don't really know how else to be. Though I massively suffer from burn out where I just... stop. And collapse. And then there's the gilt of not being busy - do you ever get that?

    Lauren xx | The Lifestyle Diaries

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    1. I think London does it to all of us, Lauren! And yes, I definitely get that guilty feeling when I'm just sitting around "doing nothing"! xx

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  9. I love this post. It reminds me of those undergraduate powwows where everyone tries to outdo each other with how many credits they're taking on top of their 3 jobs and other grown-up responsibilities. I can say with total confidence that I'm definitely NOT addicted to being busy, because when I have more than a few things going on, I get ridiculously anxious about whether or not I'll get everything done as well as possible. But like you, I do feel guilty when I feel I'm not being "productive enough." I can see why you'd need to catch your breath sometimes -- you've got a lot going! That bit about your husband basically being the Energizer bunny while you pull a pillow over your head is hilarious.

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    1. Aw, thanks, Gianni. Yup, John has a crazy amount of energy and enthusiasm for EVERYTHING. It tires me out just watching him.

      I remember those undergraduate powwows you describe ALL too well ... I went to one of those colleges that was *just* like that! People used to sleep in the library, etc and camp out there. It was ridiculous.

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  10. Busy kinds of creeps up on you, I think! I've only recently realised just how busy we are "supposed" to be, and that was because I was listening to a friend rattling off all the after-school activities her children had in their timetables. (Parenting a child with autism has an advantage here, no expectations from anyone about added extras in his day! And let's be honest, there aren't many advantages to parenting a child with additional needs.) May I say that living with your husband sounds mildly exhausting ....

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    1. Yes, I definitely think there are societal pressures to be busy, Ruth - it's a way of life that has been ingrained in me at an early age and at some point, I internalized it without knowing.

      And yes, living with my husband is tiring though I wear him down with my occasional lounging about watching hours of TV on end!

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  11. I'm pretty introverted so I know I'd really struggle to have as many extracurricular activities - after working all week in a busy office sometimes I just need to hide away inside and not talk to anyone for a little while! I'm terrible at 'doing nothing' though - even if I try to switch off and have a day of sleep, reading, catching up with TV shows, etc., I start to feel so guilty for it. Even if I just go for a walk, do the house work, run errands, etc., I need to feel like I've achieved something. I'm a bit of a mixture then, I guess!

    x

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    1. Don't listen to that guilt, Charlene! Which I know is so much easier said than done. We need to slow down and remind ourselves that everything we're doing is not just "good enough", but it's great. Above and beyond. x

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  12. I really struggle to find a balance between being too busy and being lazy. I usually end up neglecting things I should be doing in order to have a bit of downtime and chain watch stuff on Netflix but then I just feel guilty about letting X, Y or Z build up *sigh* x

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