Yo, Wills & Kate, I'm really happy for you and I'm gonna let you finish, but we had the best bank holiday of all time:
While you were getting married in some little white chapel and all that, we had iced drinks in hand upon our arrival at Thalassa Boutique Hotel & Spa in Coral Bay, Cyprus. And yes, that's the beach in the background. I know, you're like, super jelly.
Your wedding might have cost a fortune, but for 2 euros, we had our breakfast delivered to our private balcony every morning:
And the trees in the Abbey were a nice touch, Kate, but y'all didn't have palm trees. Major mistake:
I know you stayed at The Goring before the big day and your fam had the run of the place and all, but I'm not sure it beats the poolside view at Ayii Anargyri Spa Resort in Milou:
I also read in People or In Touch or something that you ate well on the big day, but I bet it didn't live up to this amazing, fresh sea bream caught on the same day it was served:
So yeah, congratulations, guys, I'm sure it was fabulous. But I've got a tan to show for it!