Sweetcorn: What's Up With That?

As I bit into my Southern Fried Chicken wrap from Boots during lunch today (hey, hey, hey ... don't judge, don't judge!  I dreamed about fried chicken a couple of nights ago ... a big, KFC bucket of fried chicken wings ... so close, yet so far away ...), I noticed that they had changed a few things (not that I've had it more than once - but even if I did, you shouldn't judge me).  First, the packaging was so much more convenient and hygienic:  now you can eat the wrap without virtually touching it!  Genius!  Welcome to the 21st-century, Boots.  Secondly, they've replaced the unhealthy onions, lettuce and mayo combo (mmm ... my favorite, not my co-workers' though, as I breathe my onion-breath-of-fire upon them in the afternoon) and substituted it with a similarly unhealthy concoction of coleslaw, salsa and ... sweetcorn.

I have one thing to say to that: WHY?

Why do Brits insist on ruining perfectly good food items with the persistent inclusion of sweetcorn?  WHY?  Take canned chicken noodle soup, for example (again, not that I eat that stuff, but you know, if I did ... don't judge me).  Once, in my flu-addled state, I stumbled to the nearest Tesco, grabbed a can of chicken noodle soup from the shelf and shuffled, zombie-like, into the line to pay.  Only after I had subjected myself to that second level of hell, did I realize, upon opening the said can of soup into a pot, that it had slices of red bell pepper and ... worst of all ... SWEETCORN.  At the sight of that, I burst into tears.

Tuna and sweetcorn is another popular combination.  Okay, I mean, I get where you're coming from - tuna tastes good with a bit of crunch, which is why most people pair it with cucumber.  Or even celery.  Lettuce!  Why sweetcorn?

Then there's sweetcorn on pizza.   I mean, seriously.  Need I say more?  Didn't think so.  And if you walk up Kilburn High Road on your way to find the nearest KFC, there's a cart selling something called "Magic Corn".  Yes, that's right, Magic Corn.  It comes in flavors like "magic curry" and "magic cheese."  Look, I know what you're thinking.  But I honestly couldn't make it up if I tried.

I'm surprised y'all don't have sweetcorn ice cream.


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