Friday, April 17, 2015

Why I Chose to Attend a Women's College


On March 3, 2015, Sweet Briar College - a women's liberal arts college in Sweet Briar, Virginia - announced that it would be closing at the end of the summer, due to financial difficulties. Among the outraged alumnae who set out to "Save Sweet Briar" was popular blogger, Fashion Fois Gras, who wrote this post about her experience in attending Sweet Briar as an undergraduate.

Which was not unlike mine. 

You see, like Emily, I'd never intended to select an all-women's college based in rural, Western Massachusetts (a campus, might I add, which has been ranked as one of Princeton Review's "Most Beautiful College Campuses" for more years than I can remember). 

Later, when I worked in the Admissions office as a tour guide and Admissions Fellow at Mount Holyoke, I was asked by students and parents alike: "How did you choose Mount Holyoke?"And I'd smile, because I hadn't chosen Mount Holyoke - it had chosen me.

First, what you've got to understand is that the whole college admissions process is completely different in the US, compared to the UK. It's extremely competitive, extremely expensive, and the selection, as the alumni interviewer who conducted my interview for Harvard put it, can be "total crapshoot". If you don't have perfect grades, at least five extra curricular activities, volunteer on a weekly basis, and aren't involved in a leadership role (preferably student government), then you can count yourself out of the running to most competitive colleges and universities.

In addition to this, a much bigger emphasis is placed on where you went to college in the US, versus the UK. It can rule you out of certain jobs and it's an association that you have for life. In short, it's kind of a big deal. Even now, as a 30-something adult, I'm asked when I go back to the States, "Oh, where did you go to college?"

Needless to say, I didn't get into Harvard. But when it came time to apply to colleges (you're encouraged to apply to 5 - college applications cost between $85-95 a pop in my time, so if you were particularly privileged, you could apply to more), I picked with very little knowledge of what I really wanted out of my college experience. I had no idea. I came from a tiny little town in the Puget Sound. I'd never heard of the Seven Sisters, let alone the small, private liberal arts colleges on the East Coast like Williams or Vassar or Amherst (which also would have been perfect for me). 

I didn't know.

So, I did what my peers did: I applied to the University of Washington (undergraduate enrollment of c. 30,000 students), University of Southern California (c. 20,000 students), Harvard, and Stanford (or Yale, I can't remember, but I didn't get in). I'd just received my acceptances to UW and USC when I dug out a college brochure to read along with my breakfast one morning before school. I'd originally tossed the flyer (as a high school junior, you were sent tons) because it was from an all-women's college, which had zero appeal to me. Boring. Insular. One-sided. Snobby. Unnecessary. These were all the thoughts that ran through my head when I first saw it.

But today was different. I stopped chewing. I read about the small class sizes (enrollment is c. 2,000 versus 30,000 at UW), the interdiscplinary majors, the equal strengths in sciences and the arts; I read about the Ivy League professors, the clubs, the study abroad programs, and the beautiful campus. I read about its music department. After feeling adrift and anonymous during campus visits to UW (where I sat in lecture halls that seated hundreds and hundreds of students who all looked the same), I felt like Mount Holyoke "got" me. It understood my uniqueness and catered to that.

I applied. And shortly after, I was invited to visit the Mount Holyoke campus - all the way on the other side of the country. A six-hour plane ride. I returned with a Mount Holyoke sweatshirt and my eyes shining with ... something. I didn't know what it was, but I knew that it was where I belonged.

When the acceptance came, I screamed. And when I saw my merit scholarship amount, I wept. I was going to Mount Holyoke. Up until then, my dreams had always been vague and fuzzy. But now I knew: my dream was to go to Mount Holyoke (cue Dirty Dancing references here!). And it came true (thanks to my parents!).

Recently, an article by Diane Halpern appeared in the New York Times, adding to the discussion topic: "Are Same-Sex Colleges Still Relevant?" Aside from the many points in her article that infuriated me, Halpern wrote, "By many measures, today's women are flourishing in higher education and do not need a protected environment to develop their intellectual potential." Condescending tone aside, Mount Holyoke was not a "protected environment" for me and my peers to "develop our intellectual potential". The school that Halpern writes of may be the Mount Holyoke of 1837, but today, it is so much more than that. It is a place where we were constantly and repeatedly pushed outside our comfort zones - socially and academically - where we, if anything, were reminded of our privilege and of our place in this world, where we reclaimed (yes, I used that word) our voices, in a world where we are almost always talked over. That's not protection, it's called practice. Practice for life outside those gates.

Fashion Fois Gras said that attending a women's college taught her about bravery. And I would agree.
Sometimes, I sit in meetings at work where I'm the youngest, most junior, female member in the room. As I did in undergraduate seminars, I like to sit back and listen. But when I have something to say, I might be nervous about saying it, sure, but I'll say it, and I'll make my point clear. If I don't feel as though I'm being heard, I'll say it again. 

That's what Mount Holyoke taught me. Speak until you are heard. Use your intelligence. Be skeptical. Be inquisitive. Work hard. You can do better.

Those lessons aren't protective; they're necessary.

Yesterday, I met a young alum for lunch. She was also from the Puget Sound, had graduated in 2013 and moved to London after studying abroad in Bologna, Italy during her junior year. Her emails to me were polite, inquisitive, and charming. We chatted and shared our respective Mount Holyoke experiences, and though we had just met, I could tell that she was bright, adventurous, multi-talented - typical of Mount Holyoke.

This week, I received an extraordinary box of gifts from a friend (and fellow Mount Holyoke alum), Anna. "You've been ELFED!" the card on the blue and white box read, and reminders of MHC tumbled out: a t-shirt, magnet, lanyard, and sticker ... all emblazoned with the logo I'm proud to wear (and people in London probably think is some random made-up university from Primark!). Elfing is a tradition for first-years at Mount Holyoke - their "elves" (sophomores) drop small presents outside their door in the mornings (some not-so-nice elves prank their elfees by saran-wrapping their doors, but we won't go there) and at the end of the week, you meet your "elf". It's an induction of sorts, but more of a get-to-know-you tradition. 

Anna wasn't my elf, but she still insists on elfing me every year. Even if that means making cards and sending things to me in London all the way from Boston - when she's 8 months pregnant!

"Ugh, you Mount Holyoke people are soooooo weird!" John said, when I showed him my beautiful gift. "What is with you guys? Why do you keep doing this kind of stuff?"

I laughed. "You just don't get it," I said.

"No, I don't!" he replied, while simultaneously admiring my new t-shirt."Looks good on you, though."

And that's fine. Some people just don't get it. But for those who do, it's an amazing, wonderful thing.

p.s. And if you're still not tired of reading, and want to know more about my experience at Mount Holyoke College, read my Baccalaureate speech from our Commencement weekend here.

SHARE:

24 comments

  1. Thank you for sharing your MHC (women college) experience! My wife and I hope our daughter will have the same nostalgia of MHC when she becomes an alum In 2018. So far, so good!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for reading, Mark! I wish your daughter all the best at MHC.

      Delete
  2. Jaime, I found this so interesting. Firstly because I didn't realise how rigorous the selection procedure was and how much emphasis is put on where you want. I'm a bit of a 'yankophile' myself and I always thought I knew a lot about American culture but I did not know how strict colleges were. Back when applied for university (in the Dark Ages when everyone did 3 or 4 A levels) we applied for 6 universities on a UCAS form (you probably know this from John) and we certainly didn't have to pay for doing so!

    Out of my six applications I only had to go to two interviews - both offered me places. And out of the six choices I was accepted to five...it was stressful at the time but now I look back, nothing like in the States.

    I went to Warwick University for my interview for a place to study English Literature. When I arrived, saw the campus and spoke to people, I knew it was where I belonged, as you did, and when I got a place I was ecstatic!!!

    Personally, I never experienced a single sex environment while in education but it really interested me to read the experience you had and the courage that it gave you.

    I also find the costs rather unbelievable, my parents basically got paid to go to university ie grants. I paid a relatively low fees for three years at uni but now the fees are extortionate!

    Fantastic post, as usual :)
    Lots of love,
    Angie

    SilverSpoon London

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know I mentioned this already on Twitter, but THANK YOU for reading and for leaving such an insightful, in-depth comment, Angie! Loved hearing about your own experiences. The differences are so interesting. I've been to the Warwick campus before - it looks so beautiful! I nearly applied there to study abroad and then for my graduate studies as well (but ended up at York instead).

      Delete
  3. Sounds amazing! New Zealand post high school study is soooo different to USA. All I ever wanted to do was go to a high school or college in USA and be a cheerleader! ;o)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha! And I'm sure you'd be a great one, Annmaree ;-) I'm really interested to know what educational systems are like across the world ... the differences are always so fascinating.

      Delete
  4. Fascinating read, Jaime. Sounds like it was a very stressful selection process but I love the elfing tradition!

    Suze | LuxuryColumnist

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for reading, Suze! We had so many wonderful traditions ... from milk and cookies on weeknights (to keep us going through study sessions) to elfing to Mountain Day ... they're memories I'll always treasure.

      Delete
  5. This was such an interesting post to read, Jaime. I knew college was more competitive in America than it is in the UK but I didn't realise to what extent. I do think to a point me and many of my friends took university for granted because it was assumed that we would go and really all we had to do to be accepted was get the required exam results. While I'm glad I didn't have to go through the stress of such a rigorous application process, I wonder if I would have more of an attachment to my university and campus if the process in the UK was tougher. I have fond memories of my university, but I don't hold it as dearly as you seem to hold Mount Holyoke (which is a shame considering I spent four years of my life there!).

    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for reading and for sharing your own experiences, Charlene! The differences are really insane. We also had a lot of standardized tests to get through (which I didn't mention) in order to be considered for the admissions process, as well as Advanced Placement exam results (similar to your A-levels, I'd imagine).

      Having studied at two UK universities before, I hear what you say about the attachment aspect ... I feel as though we had (depending on which college/university you went to) a more personal aspect to our college experiences in the US: lots of traditions, smaller campuses, campus-wide activities. And I think that those who went to State universities are loyal to those schools and proud to be alumni ... to the extent that they'd plaster a bumper sticker to the back of their cars! I don't know, it's a fascinating subject ... university years are so formative and character-building. Maybe we're just more sentimental and cheesy! Ha! x

      Delete
  6. Thank you for sharing this Jaime, it really made me smile - for many reasons. The differences between the US and UK systems are so different, and I'm amazed at how much it all costs. But the main similarity we share is the feeling of knowing when you've found the right place.

    I'd been to an interview at King's and was belittled and embarrassed by the interviewer, who mocked me for saying The Odyssey was my favourite book... and I left thinking university wasn't for people 'like me'. But then I went to UCL (where I had applied to THREE courses!) and I just knew. I loved it. It was exciting, friendly and welcoming. It felt like home. I was so relieved to get my offers through the post, and the experience will stay with me forever.

    Have you read Secret History by Donna Tartt? I'm only a few chapters in, but your description of finding the brochure sent a chill down my spine - if you haven't read it and want to know what I'm on about, get reading! So far it's turning out to be one of the best books I've ever read... perhaps that King's interviewer would be more impressed with that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for reading, Laura! And thanks so much for sharing with me your experiences at King's vs. UCL. I'm glad to hear you describe UCL as feeling "like home", as I often wonder if that's just a construct of our overly-sentimental American minds!

      I *have* read Secret History ... and the college that she describes is *exactly* like Mount Holyoke, or any of the other small East Coast liberal arts colleges! It's definitely a unique experience, but one that I would choose all over again, given the opportunity to do so.

      Delete
    2. I think I've just lived up to the KCl vs UCL 'rivalry' stereotype, ha ha.

      I'm so glad you've read Secret History - I am enjoying it so much! I think had I been applying for colleges in America I would have wanted to go somewhere exactly as you describe - the others sound so daunting! I think that's what is surprising about UCL - even in the middle of central London, it always felt like a tiny, closed community.

      Lx

      Delete
    3. I actually didn't really care for the book (I KNOW, I'M AWFUL!), but the descriptions of the campus, the classes, the environment, and the professors really spoke to me. It's surprising (but in a good way!) that you found UCL to be so welcoming - they must do something special (or at least be aware of it) to make it feel like a tiny, closed community, which I think is an important part of the undergraduate experience.

      Delete
    4. I'm a Classics geek - I can't help but love it!

      Delete
    5. You need to meet my BFF, Alice ... we should meet for drinks after work one day! She is a Classicist (and a commissioning editor at Bloomsbury) and specialized in Egyptology ... and loved Secret History. :)

      Delete
  7. Another great read. I've always been fascinated by the whole college thing in the States, so thank you for giving me a glimpse of it. I was in LA a couple of years ago and ended up on the UCLA campus... It is like a small city! I was totally in shock at how big it was. Even the high school campus' I went past were just incredible, they're bigger than some university campus' here in the UK! It's immense. I'm glad you found the college for you amongst all those that were out there.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Beautifully Lost (I would use your real name if I knew it! ;-))! Yes, the experience is very different to that of the UK college experience ... and those big campuses are VERY much like small cities! Easy to get lost, I think, and I had wanted to stand out. I'm so thankful that I found the right place for me!

      Delete
  8. This is such an inspirational post. I missed out on the traditional university experience, when I quit school at 16 to get a job. By the time I was 26 I realised that I was wasting my talents and wanted to actually get a degree. At 27 I enrolled on a distance learning course that I effectively chose because it was affordable, and because the study schedule was set up in a particular way that would make it easier for me to continue working whilst I read. I've only ever made friends with one other student from my course, I never attend lectures or tutorials, I don't get involved with extra curricular stuff. It will give me my BSc , but I won't ever have the attachment that you do, and that makes me feel a little envious.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Amy, but I think it is *your* story that's inspiring. Choosing to attend university when you're an adult and earning your degree because you want it (rather than it being the "done" thing or expected of you) takes courage and determination. And balancing your studies with life? I am not sure I could do it (well, I know I couldn't do it, because I've been supposedly "studying" for a CIMA quailfication and have only managed to sit one exam so far!). So thank you for sharing, and I applaud you for achieving and perservering.

      Delete
  9. I had the option of attending a women's college, but the one I decided against was not as diverse and full of great opportunities as Mount Holyoke.

    What's funny is that I applied to ivy leagues and the schools I thought would sound good later when I became an adult and was inevitably asked what school I'd attended, applied to a few schools I was crazy about, and a couple I didn't want to go to at all but decided to apply to b/c I could pay in-state tuition. All I'd wanted to do was get out of North Carolina because I wasn't from there and wanted to get back up North "where I belonged." But when it came time to write my personal statement, the only one I wrote that was completely, 100% honest, I sent to UNC Chapel Hill. I'd been afraid to send it to the other schools b/c I thought it would make me sound too depressed (I wrote a statement comparing myself to Adah Price from the Poisonwood Bible).

    I didn't get into the ivy leagues. But I did get into my other choices...including UNC, which I discovered had an extensive study abroad program, an excellent Japanese language program, and one of the best English departments in the country; in other words, everything I'd wanted. So I went. I still get excited whenever I see someone wearing Carolina blue.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I love this post so much and now all the nostalgia is flooding back for the US college scene. From the moment you get that acceptance letter, its like you've become a member of a really fun club and its a great feeling. Truth be told, the last thing I wanted to do was go to an all-girls college because I went to an all-girls high school. I LOVED it. For all the reasons you have listed above. That confidence will stick with me the rest of my life and is 100% because of the fantastic education I got there. (The motto was "Not for school but for life" and it was true.) Funny thing was though that I loved it so much that I wasn't ready to go to college. All I could think of was, would I enjoy it as much as high school? How would I ever find those friends again? Would it be as encouraging an environment? In hindsight of course, after 4 years of no boys in high school, all you want are some boys in your classroom. But now? Looking back? I probably could have done without them in a school like Mount Holyoke ;)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Mount Holyoke College sounds like somewhere I would have loved to study! I had a somewhat similar experience to you, in that after growing up on a small island, I always imagined I'd go to a big university in a city - but after reading the St Andrews prospectus, and visiting the place in person, I knew there was nowhere else I wanted to go. It's small too, with small class sizes, and we had all sorts of odd traditions (we didn't have 'Elves', but we had 'parents' and 'children'!). It's so lovely to read about someone else's connection to their college :) Now I want to go up and visit that area!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was just at St Andrews for a wedding, Katie! I could totally see why you would love it there - the town is so charming and the college experience seems amazing. Our friends had graduated from there and decided to have their wedding and reception in town, which was so lovely.

      Delete

© angloyankophile

This site uses cookies from Google to deliver its services - Click here for information.

Blogger Template Created by pipdig