Monday, April 19, 2010

Monday Morning Tube Rant: Pick Up After Your Damn Self, You Lazy Swine

Nothing pisses me off more on the tube - not even people who sneeze directly into my face, open their paper half-way across my lap, or don't give up their seats for people who need them - than people who leave their crap behind when getting off the train.

Specifically, I mean people who drink their Venti Starbucks lattes and leave the empty cups behind their heads or feet, free to roll around after they depart until some poor soul comes through the train and picks them up. 

I get so angry that every single time this happens, I consider one of two options:  Option A - chasing after the person and exclaiming, "Oh my gosh, excuse me, I think you left this VERY IMPORTANT THING BEHIND!" whilst beaning the cup at their head or Option B - simply beaning the cup at their head.  I don't know why it riles me up so much, but the total lack of manners and self-righteousness really gets my goat. 

This morning, I watched a woman with a bad perm (who looked of American origin - I don't know for sure, but you know how sometimes you can just tell?) get on with her Venti whatever from that sickening capital of chain coffee shops and place the empty cup by her pink Converse-d feet.  'Oh NO, she didn't,' I thought to myself.  Oh yes, she so did.  When the train pulled into Piccadilly Circus, I watched her snap her ugly fake leather bag together, pull down her pink ugly shirt (which was riding up her flabby, nasty stomach), and flounce off the train, kicking me ever so slightly by accident as she left. 

I cannot tell you. How. Much. I. Wanted. To. Throw. That. Cup. AT. HER. HEAD.  To be fair, her bad perm would have shielded her from any kind of actual contact.  I guess that's the silver lining of bad, frizzy perms.  While I couldn't be bothered to do anything about her selfish actions, I settled for hoping that her morning coffee of a gazillion calories made her fatter and quietly seethed at the empty cup until my stop. 

The man across from me finished drinking his Costa coffee and placed the cup by his feet.  When we got to Embankment, he gathered his belongings, including the cup, and left the train.  Yes.  Good man.


  1. lol, good one! the flabby flesh and pink timeless.

  2. Yes, it's a look that will last her a lifetime. Unfortunately.

  3. You are very harsh on Americans. Being one yourself.


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