Monday, February 8, 2010

Monday Blues: Tube Rant

It's Monday.  I'm grumpy and I've got the cold that's been going around.  As I'm in a bad mood already, I've decided to make the most out of it and compile a list of Top 10 things that piss me off about poor tube ettiquette (and this can extend to buses, trains, etc. - substitute as necessary). 

1. People who subject me to techno or similarly bad, tinny music at 8:56 a.m. because of their crappy, came-with-my-iPod-headphones - Forget free Chevys.  If I was Oprah, instead of giving everyone in the studio audience a new car, I'd roam public transport in big cities like London or New York and hand out free in-ear earbuds by Sennheiser or another appropriate brand.  Seriously, if I had a bit of extra money, I'd gladly buy them for people.  That audio crap emanating from their heads makes me nauseous, especially in the mornings.

2. People who don't give up their seats for the elderly or disabled or (seemingly) pregnant - What the F is wrong with you?  Or can you not see the hunched-over eighty-year-old lady with the two heavy Tesco bags and a cane standing directly in front of your face, being jolted within an inch of her life every time the driver starts and stops? 

3. People who don't respect my personal space when reading the paper - Excuse me, but last time I checked, I didn't pick up the Metro because I didn't want to read it.  Thanks to you, inconsiderate-paper-spreading-man, I AM reading it now, as you've opened it half way across my LAP.  It's rush hour on the tube - would it really hurt you to fold your elbows in?

4. People who then put said paper behind my head or wedge it between me and themselves - No, I don't want newsprint on my Banana Republic silk skirt, nor do I want my hair to be smelling of newsprint.  TAKE IT WITH YOU or LEAVE IT BEHIND YOUR OWN HEAD!

5. People who don't "let customers off the train before boarding" - Usually people know better, but there are one or two repeat offenders.  If you're obnoxious enough to shove your way onto a busy train without having the decency to let the train clear and let others off first, then I don't want to know how you act at home.

6. People who decide the end of a long escalator is the perfect place for stopping and looking around - Are you confused about which line to take or where to go?  Then kindly step aside and let other people pass while you figure your life out.  Don't subject us to your daydream.  Once I bodychecked a woman (and didn't even feel guilty ... well, at the time I didn't but now I kinda do) because she was standing seriously in the middle of "people traffic" at Oxford Circus.  WHAT DID YOU EXPECT???

7. People who refuse to stand in the aisle of the carriage during rush hour - I understand if you're only getting off at the next stop, but what's up with all the people hugging the poles near the door?  If the tube is packed, then you should really know better and use all the available space in the carriage.

8.  People who eat and then discard wrappers/cups on the seats - Once, on the Bakerloo line, the woman next to me finished her coffee, got up to leave and put her empty cup on the seat.  Then she was gone.  I seriously wanted to throw it at her head.  It speaks volumes of your upbringing if you leave your crap around and expect someone else to clean it up for you.   

9.  People who watch videos on their phone or listen to obnoxious music (classical music is ok, but so far, that's not been featured) on their phone speakers - This is along the same lines as those who use the bad headphones, although these people know they're being a public nuisance and you probably don't want to show any annoyance or speak up about it as they're most likely (99.9% chance) packing a knife of some sort.  But seriously, they deserve to be kicked in the head. 

10.  And finally, as we're at the height of cold and flu season, people who cough or sneeze without covering their mouths - Need I say more?  Disgusting.

Rant over.  I feel ever-so-slightly better.

Photo source


  1. this is petty but my favourite is when all the men on the train are sitting but you can see like 5 women in heels standing around. sometimes i want to say, "i am so glad that every able bodied young man in flats has a seat today. thanks for being *such* gentlemen." (and yes i know i sound like this is 1945 but sometimes i am a fan of sexism and gender norms.

    i also *love* the people who stop dead in their tracks just as they get off the train cause they can't figure out where they're going in the middle of morning/evening rush. seriously, walk to the side and out of the way. otherwise prepare to have someone run into you. one would think this is common sense!

  2. I'm pretty sexist, Rhea, so no worries there. How about the men who sit across from you and spread their legs? WTF is up with that??


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