Thursday, June 10, 2010

Thursday Morning Tube Rant: Sitting Across From Men In Flip-Flops

I hate feet.  And toes.  But mostly feet.  That's because I was raised by my mother to believe that feet are dirty and mine are ugly.  She never ceases to remind me.  "Ooh no, you can't wear those," pointing to a gorgeous pair of Kurt Geiger sandals I have just tried on.  "They're too exposed ... you really can't.  Your toes are just soooo ugly."  Then she shudders for effect, which is, you know, not damaging to my self-esteem at all.  And it is true that after fourteen years of dancing and being on pointe, bunions, corns, hammer toes and callouses have served as a cruel reminder of my mangled foot-fate.

Having said that, John has the perfect toes and feet - it's not fair.  It's not fair that a man should have perfect toes (once I commented on this and he nodded very solemnly and said, "I know."  No modesty there) when women clearly need to show them off in cute sandals and barefeet in the summer.  Having said that, no man should wear flip-flops unless they have such perfect toes.  And this morning, I found myself face to face with someone who I could only describe as Shrek, sitting across from me on the tube. 

What disgusted me most was that Shrek was dressed in an all black and dark jeans ensemble, with his belly protruding through his too-tight black polo shirt, thinking that he was rocking this outfit.  And grossest of all, he was wearing black flip-flops.  This was problematic not only due to his sausage toes and abnormally hairy hobbit-feet but also due to the fact that the pinky nail was completely yellowed and crusty and the other nails were grimy.  Most appalling.  I didn't mean to examine Shrek's toes, but you know how it is when you're sitting on a crowded train with no reading material (left the Stylist on my desk yesterday along with the other book I'm in the middle of) - your eyes have no where to look but the floor and there they were - Shrekish toes.  Shudder.


  1. too bad you didn't vomit ON his toes. that would probably improve his appearance.

  2. Thank you for that lovely image, mother. I think I will vomit now, actually.


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